gphitman's Diaryland Diary

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Words of Wisdom: More Letters

From me to whomever...

Don't ask for my advice and then blaspheme me for dishing it out.

Christmas is not about YOU. Don't buy a gift YOU like, silly goose. I'm Jewish and even I know this.

What's up with the people in my elevator? When did I become invisible? Would YOU talk about the intimate details of your latest one-night stand in front a toal stranger? A GIRL? Men are yucky...

Bossman, don't you dare try to blame something you fucked up on me when it's pretty easy to solve: I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL THAT WEEK. Half-wit.

Dear pimples on my face, GO AWAY. Seriously.

A please or thank-you sure never hurt anyone I know. Assholes.

Dear Judy, I suddenly feel the need to be very, very drunk. Where did this come from? Beware.

Stupid people of the world: LEAVE ME ALONE. Not today.

Can I go home now? Please?

5:03 pm - 12.09.05

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Imagine

2:45 pm - 12.08.05

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Letters of Recommendation

Dear R. Kelly,
Stoppit, you twit. Just cut it out. You look like a fool. Seriously.
Sincerely,
AJ

Dear religious fanatics,
You are far too sensitive. A rose is a rose is a rose. And a HOLIDAY tree, is a CHRISTMAS TREE. Get over yourselves. Methinks thou dost protest WAY too much.
-AJ the Jewish

Dear Ryan Seacrest,
Just come out already. Who do you think you're fooling?
Yours truly,
KROQ Fan in LA

To: Ashley Simpson
From: The music-loving world
Ashely- You're offending us. Please cease and resist all urges to continue.

12:39 pm - 12.07.05

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Wake me up before I go-go....

It's nap time at the office.

At Federman's urging, I watched an episode of How I Met Your Mother last night. Hilarious! Love it! I am so excited to have found a new sitcom to get behind. Neil Patrick Harris is brilliant- who thought he could play a wanna be man-whore so well?

Still my favoritest: Grey's Anatomy. Why are you not watching this show?

Why haven't I bought season one yet?

I had an awful day yesterday. The gold-chains boss was out to make my life a living hell and it took its toll. By the day's end, I was in mental shambles. In an effort to cheer myself up, I went to Pier One and bought some fancy ornaments for my pseudo-Christmas tree. I had at it when I got home and I added the ribbon Nena gave me- my holiday tree is so lovely.

I'm such a weirdo.

My new roommate actually made a physical appearance last night. Before that, I'd seen him for about 10 minutes since he moved in last Thursday. We had a nice chat- he's really funny- and I felt reassured that he's sane. And he likes sports, which is undeniably cool by me. Except he's a SF Giants fan. Yikes.

I've never met someone who likes Barry Bonds before.

Jaime, when the hell is your boyfriend, Eric Gagne coming back?

On a totally unrelated but necessary note: My mother is making me crazy.

12:09 pm - 12.06.05

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Out of my Mind

It's billing day. Hooray. My mantra: "I did go to college. I did go to college." I will recite this as I stuff over a hundred envelopes and earn myself papercut after papercut.

Hi-ho. Hi-ho.

My office is experiencing its very own arctic Winter. It is so, so very cold in here. I am wearing my ankle-length wool coat. I must be crazy to go to New York at the end of January where I'll withstand temperatures below 50 degrees. Anything under 70 is cold to me now. I'm in trouble.

I had a lovely weekend but I know I should have gotten in some extra sleep. For I am exhausted. I am falling asleep where I sit. And I am, quite frankly, in a rotten mood.

Anyway, On Friday night, I had far too much sushi (my eyes, yet again, bigger than my stomach) and on Saturday night, decked out in all my gothy glory, I went to John's 30th birthday party where I had, regardless of previous premonitions, a very good time. Maybe I need to convert to all-black and leather days and see if that doesn't improve my social life.

I would say I slept in on Sunday but waking up at 11 is hardly "sleeping in" when you didn't go to bed until 5am. I spent the day on the couch with Tivo and went to "Club Fist" for dinner. I don't know about you, but when I think of Christmas tree decorating, I naturally crave fajitas. Or I will now. They were yummy.

Presently, I am experiencing hair troubles. Bad, bad hair day. Yech.

Quote of the day (so far):

ME: And what is this regarding?
CLIENT: I need his advice on some things. So that I may do what is adviseable. If he can give me advice on what is adviseable.

Hi-ho. Hi-ho.

12:21 pm - 12.05.05

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Make 'em Laugh

Seriously, watch this and I dare you NOT to laugh. http://www.military.com/Video/050303_DanceTime.wmv

Has anyone been watching The Boondocks cartoon? It's not bad. But I think it'll get old...

I did buy my little tree last night. I came home and immediately started decorating it. It needs more color. I wanted to try and stay blue and silver - at least attempt a little Jewishness, but I've since decided that hey, a tree's a tree and who cares what's on it in my own apartment? When my dad found out I bought my own tree, he flipped a little (I still have no idea why I told him), my mom flipped out even more, but I have a hard time accepting Jewish superiority from two people who don't even know the Hannukah blessings.

10:21 am - 12.02.05

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