gphitman's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am Not a Rock I have made a mistake. And I have learned from this mistake and hopefully I will not make it again. I am not a patient person and I am eager to heal but maybe it is finally time I accepted that this is just going to take a while and I will not be stable for a while. Last night, I was confronted. Head on. Matt invited some of us over for poker, Mike included, and we both accepted. To Mike's credit, he privately e-mailed me and asked me if I wanted him to stay home. I told him, quite firmly, that I never told him what to do while we dated and I certainly would not be doing so while we weren't. Like a fool, I even went as far as to call him and tell him how totally fine I was with him being there. I am a fool. I suppose I was trying to prove to everyone, and mostly to myself, that I am fine now and I can be in the same room with him and not want to crumble and cry or bash his face in. But I spent the majority of the evening over-compensating. Being pretentious or obnoxious, making careless mistakes in a game I know backwards anf forwards, and then just spacing out completely. When I felt like I was really about to lose it, I just threw my whole game and left just before I started to cry. I think all things considered, I did remarkably well in a situation I never should have put myself in to begin with. Two mistakes I won't make again actually. I will give myself more time to heal, and I will not bring my brother to anymore poker games (he kicked my ass). 9:14 am - 10.19.05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- BORED BORED Seriously. This is INSANE. And I have 3 more days of this shit. Annoying secretary that is supposed to only work part time will not go home. Why must she torment me? My stomach has been bothering me all day. I think the Indian food I had for lunch was an unwise but savory decision. I have no plans Friday night and as I am bored out of my FRIGGIN' SKULL, I am preently accepting applications for enrollment (that sounds a lil' nasty). What up peeps? Weezer and Foo Fighters on Saturday! Hockey on Sunday! Yay! So much hockey. I love hockey. If Robataille does not play in this game, I am taking it personally. That french bastard. Also, Jeremy Roenick has a really big head. I have to go to the bathroom. Thus, I conclude. BORED 3:43 pm - 10.18.05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHEERS and JEERS CHEERS to the Los Angeles Kings- they kicked ass last night and we had GREAT seats. JEERS to Luc Robataille. Second game I've seen this season, second time he's sat out. What up, Luc? CHEERS to APLA. The walk was so much fun and even more CHEERS to Roxanne, Erika, Valeria, Sarah, Nicole, and David, my fantastic team. CHEERS to Donna Martin. And to Nicole for the lovely tribute via KDAY FM. Word up, homies. JEERS to Kelly who apparently drank to much on Saturday night and opted out of the walk. Boooo! CHEERS to Roxanne, Valerie, and Erika for the sage wisdom. JEERS to the "red headed slut." Enough said. CHEERS to Roxanne and Becky for letting me crash on their couch. CHEERS to Dave, Big Al, Joanna, Mercedes, T, and Matty- a wonderful group of people at The Blue Room who offered that "the man was just no good." CHEERS to Catch Phrase, the best board game ever. JEERS to aching bones. Damn, I'm outta shape. 9:59 am - 10.17.05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't Know About the Future... At lunch today, my co-worker and I walked down to Q's for lack of a better idea (Q's inevitable makes me ill) and much to our delighted surprise, they had installed flat screen TV's in every booth! So I got to watch The E! True Hollywood Story of Blossom today. Fabulousness. Has anyone seen Mayim Biyalik lately? Homegirl blimped out. I believe this is due to her recent pregnany but she looked so... weird. As Joey would say: Whoa! 3:06 pm - 10.14.05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Music... BLAH, BLAH, BLAH "What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands- literally thousands- of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?" -High Fidelity Seemed like a good idea this morning. If I am annoying anyone, I apologize. I am sure annoying the shit out of myself... Not really overflowing with the creativity today. Thus my lovely title I don't feel angry or sad or anything at all, really. I'm just pretty numb right now. The McDonald's fries, however, helped. 5:27 pm - 10.12.05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK (but probably shouldn't) 1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit. 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for you? 4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. 5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way. 6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. 7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message. 8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant. 9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying. 10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again... 11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid. 12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. 13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn. 14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. 15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you 16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. 18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. 19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!? 20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. 21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. 22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. 23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...? 24. Do I look like a people person? 25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. 28. If I throw a stick, will you leave? 29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. 33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1? 34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses. 35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done. 37. How do I set a laser printer to stun? 38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary. 39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon? 40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different. 11:24 am - 10.11.05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This and That You know you're in a hip and trendy bar when you're drinking alongside the likes of David Schwimmer and Joey Slotnick. I actually really liked Jones actually. And especially the posh "speak-easy" smoking room. I felt a little intimidated by some of my fellow part-goers but was quite happy to have Becky, Jen, Loren, etc. to fall back on. I had a really nice time with Becky beforehand- she likes sushi too!- and I had a great talk with Jen. Thanks Jen! I'll set the scene before I award the quote of the night. Becky and I are loitering outside upon arrival and cynically eyeing the scantily clad girls giggling and falling over each other on the sidewalk. Me: "Do you feel ugly?" Well played, Becky Mair. Well played. Saturday night, Brandy and I rocked out to Los Lonely Boys and drooled over Mr. Tim McGraw who looked dashing as ever. God love him. The Los Lonely Boys were impressive- never saw anyone play a 6-stringed bass guitar that way- and even though short (damned Hollywood Bowl curfew), I thought Tim really rocked. Good for him. On Sunday, I did a big fat nothing. I slept in, I stayed in my PJ's until 3, I watched a lot of Tivo, I ordered in lunch, I played with my neighbor's puppy. The end. 2:32 pm - 10.10.05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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