gphitman's Diaryland Diary

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THREE

Body: THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:

1. AJ
2. Amanda
3. Amanda Joy (only Loren- he refuses to stop.)

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:

1. German
2. Russian
3. Ukrainian

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU

1. Being left
2. Failure
3. Flying (on planes)

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:

1. Water
2. GMail
3. Tivo

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:

1. Boots
2. Pants
3. Underwear

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP

1. Honesty
2. Passion
3. Laughter

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER)

1. I love the color purple
2. I don't really like cheesecake
3. I have way too much work to do today.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:

1. Eyes
2. Smile
3. Butt

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:

1. Web Design
2. Writing
3. Drawing

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:

1. Sleep
2. Smoke
3. Sit with my book outside somewhere the weather is nice and read and drink soda for hours.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:

1. Sydney
2. London
3. Zurich

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:

1. Publish a book
2. Sell a script
3. Find peace

3:22 pm - 09.26.05

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My Psychic Weekend: The Outcome

Here is how it actually happened.

Thursday night I had a GREAT time partying with my posh entertainment Industry friends (hee, hee) and meeting the BB6 houseguests. My favorite moments were when Howie looked down my shirt, and meeting Drew from last year and actually hnaging out with him. Drew was shockingly sweet. I held out a good while but I went to the bathroom and had a major coughing attack that truly wore me down and made me realize it was time to call it a night. C'est la vie. I had a blast regardless.

Getting my stitches out did not hurt at all. Thank goodness.

I did not kill my Aunt Gloria although I came close to it about 10 times. She opens her mouth and I cringe. I thought I might kill her with kindness but when I told her she looked skinnier than the last time I saw her, she said it was because she was wering black... like I'd done. I resisted choking her and avoided her as much as possible the rest of the weekend.

I did drink myself into a slight stupor but I didn't make too much of an arse out of myself since I was too achy and hoarse to work up a sweat. So no harm, no foul. My parents were actually the drunkards of the family; they put away quite a bit before reliving the disco era on the dance floor- lord help me.

Sunday morning, Evan and I took turns hitting the snooze button and only a slight headache plagued me. But I was fine after brunch. Though sick later in the day from the eggs. Stupid AJ. Eggs are for... well, people who don't get sick from them...

Oh, and I did not fall down in the shower. Congrats to me.

3:12 pm - 09.26.05

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My Psychic Weekend

Here's how it will happen.

Tonight, I will manage to have a REALLY good time even though I cannot drink, probably shouldn't smoke, and my arms are a little achy. But GOD DAMMIT, I will not miss this party.

God willing, getting my stitches out will NOT hurt tomorrow. My co-worker just spent a good 20 minutes telling me how painful it's going to be. But I had 3 stitches in the saqme elbow when I was about 10 and I don't remember any pain at all. (AJ makes nervous face- she's pretty convinced it will hurt like hell now.)

When did I turn into Bob Dole?

I will not kill my Aunt Gloria at my cousin's Bar Mitzvah on Saturday, even when she says something like "You look healthy... put some weight back on, have you?" or grabs my arm-fat and says "Oy! So huggable!"

I will most likely drink myself into a stupor, along with my brother who has an even lower tolerance than I. I will not, however, make an as sout of myself this time by hitting shamelessly on the DJ and then date him for a while, only to find out he has a raging case of herpes (too much information? Tough).

It's pretty much a guarantee I will wake up sick on Sunday like I did last time, hopefully not pukey-sick like last time, just mildly hungover. I will look glamorous in my big black sunglasses as I make an ass out of myself saying things like "it's so bright" and "it's so loud in here." It's also pretty likely I will smack my cousin upside the head when he yells in my ear, purposely provoking me.

One last thing. I will not fall down in the shower. That's just something I'm adding because, well, what are the odds I'd do it twice?

And to whomever is laughing at this point, SHUT UP! I will NOT do it again!

5:21 pm - 09.22.05

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Thy Name is LOVE

Amanda: Worthy of love. Latin.

You are a charismatic individual with a dynamic and attractive personality. Probably not known for your caution or patience you are a risk taker who hates to be restricted in any way. Freedom is very important to you. Your thinking and intuition is strong and you have a talent for communication. You enjoy the sensual and material pleasures of life and with the application of care and wisdom you can achieve wonderful worldly success.

Well, I'll take that. (From: http://www.bostonuk.com/names/default.asp)

Last night, I ran into Bloomingdales on my way home to look for a blouse for my new suit for the bar mitzvah this weekend. But this lipstick totally caught my eye at the Laura Mercier counter as I strolled by it. Go figure. Lipstick has that effect on me.

Ater a substantial wait, a salesgirl comes up to me and asks if she can help me. I tell her I like this color as I have been trying to find something lighter than what I usually wear and then she goes "well, fall is coming and you might not wanna go light" to which I respond "well, I don't typically go with what's in, I just like what I like."

And she goes "and you want THAT color?" Like I was a moron who had no taste.

So when she said that I said "well, I certainly don't want it anymore. Or anything else from your counter." and she gave me the DIRTIEST look. After that, I just sighed and walked off. How rude! Right?

Maybe I am spoiled because I worked retail not so long ago and despite my deceptive, often brash demeanor, I was very good at it. I worked at a store where if you said something like this nimrod, you were fired, end of argument. And I was just aghast. Isn't the customer always right, after all? If she works on commission, she must make shit. Later on, when I left the mall through the store, I had to pass her again. She was at a different counter, talking about money with a colleague. They were laughing it up while I saw customers unattended to. It really turned me off.

I know, it's a snotty thing to gripe about... I can't help it. It actually really offended me.

9:36 am - 09.22.05

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Itchy, Sniffy, and Dry

Those, by the way, are not the 3 lost dwarves.

My stitches are itchy- I can't wait to get them out Friday, my nose will not stop running and I am sniffing up a storm, and my throat could not possibly be more dry.

I was out of the office yesterday afternoon- bronchitis again. They actually sent me home. If I had the sick days, I'd be out today too, but I work for facists.

I can't even remember the last time I was totally healthy.

I would also like to add that my boss is REALLY on my nerves today. He's in a bad mood and making sure the whole office knows about it. Like it's our fault the building chose today for the fire drill. And no, I do NOT know what time it is going to be at, for the twentieth time. I have repeated every phone number he's asked for at least twice, he can't seem to find anything after he puts it down, and I'm sorry he's in with a client, but maybe he'd prefer if I let his call from the exec. at MTV he's been trying all week to track down go without telling him?

I was so agitated with Big Brother last night. Julie Chen was acting like an over-indulged fan, Eric was a pompous ass as usual, Maggie and Ivette made me wanna puke, and I felt kind of bad for Ashlea- the forgotten HG. I was, however, impressed with Jen, who admitted once and for all she can't think for herself. WHAT UP KAYSAR?

And to INXS: Yeah, good luck with that. Maybe they should consider renaming themselves "J.D. Fortune and his back-up band, overaged INXS."

12:43 pm - 09.21.05

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Countdown Quiz

10 Favorites...
Favorite Color~ Purple
Favorite Food~ French Fries
Favorite Band~ Blink 182, Rascal Flatts, All-American Rejects, Green Day
Favorite Movie~ The Usual Suspects, Notorious
Favorite Sport~ Hockey, Baseball
Favorite Season ~ Winter
Favorite Day Of the Week~ Saturday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor~ Mint Chocolate Chip.
Favorite Time of Day~ When I just get home from work.

9 Currents...
Current Mood~ Crabby
Current Taste~ I am drinking hot chocolate
Current Clothes~ gray slacks, purple dress shirt, dark purple sweater vest, black heels.
Current Desktop Picture~ Gerber Daisies
Current Toenail Color~ Pale Pink
Current Time~ 10:14am
Current Surroundings~ My dank office.
Current Annoyance(s)~ My dank office.
Current Thought~ I am wishing for more sick days.

8 Firsts...
First Best Friend~ Amanda Meadville
First Kiss~ Dave Hall
First Screen Name~ SuspectKS
First Pet~ Misty, my German Shepard
First Piercing~ my ears
First Crush~ Uncle Jesse (John Stamos)
First Music~ I loved anything on KIIS FM. My dad would let us listen to it on the way to school.
First Car~ 1995 VW Jetta

7 Lasts...
Last Cigarette~ last night
Last Drink~ I don't remember
Last Car Ride~ To work this morning
Last Kiss ~ A couple weeks ago.
Last Movie Seen~ Just Like Heaven
Last Phone call~ A client.
Last CD Played~ Oingo Boingo.

6 Have You Evers...
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends~ Nope
Have You Ever Broken the Law~ Yes.
Have You Ever Been Arrested~ Not yet!
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped~ No.
Have You Ever Been on TV~ Yes.
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know~ Yes.

5 Things...
Things You're Wearing~ Watch, my braceletspants, shoes, shirt
Things You Did Last Night~ Had dinner at the boys' house. .
Things You Can Hear Right Now~ Nothing.
Things You Can't Live Without~ Sleep, the internet, my cell phone, cold water
Things You Do When Your bored~ Check my e-mail obsessively.

4 Cool Places You've Been to...
San Francisco, New York, Florence, Sienna

3 People You Can Tell Anything To
Casey, Leasa, Mike

2 Choices...
Black or White~ Black.
Hot or Cold~ Cold.

1 Wish...
I'll never tell.

9:42 am - 09.19.05

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I'm a Disease!

2:55 pm - 09.14.05

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For Sam

Last night, I ordered in Indian food (I crave Naan like it's my JOB) and very happily brought it into the kitchen to dish it out. Scooping the tomato curry sauce from the container into my bowl, a big glob of it dripped onto my left hand- the soft slightly flabby party between my thumb and first finger? Where it rounds? And it HURT. I mean, it SIZZLED and BOILED and by the time I could throw my hand under some cold water, I knew I had actually burnt myself with tomato curry. Amazing. I poured aloe on it, I soaked it in ice water, I wrapped it IN ice (this was very clever- I was so impressed with myself) and then, I had to sleep with it wrapped because it seemed to contain and lesson the sting.

I was all prepared to come into the office today with my war wound, my funny story ("I totally did this with tomato curry. I'm such a doofus") and martyr myself as much as possible. But I should have realized what the burn really was: a sign from satan.

This morning, I was showering and I slipped. Naturally, I wanted to prevent myself from DYING of a HEAD INJURY so I threw my arms out to the sides to hold myself. But there isn't really anything to hold onto in my shower and it made things worse. I ended up slamming RIGHT THROUGH the glass door, which shattered EVERYWHERE. I instantly began to bleed rather profusely and after I got over what had happened, I sort of rinsed myself off and got out of the shower, tip-toeing over the glass ALL OVER the damn place and I went into my room.

I sat on my bed, wet and bleeding, for a few minutes? Did I really just do that?

Well, my mom came and got me, took me to the ER, and my paranoid hypochondirac father met us there. I ended up with just 3 stitches in the gash on my shoulder, 3 in the gash on my right elbow and I think I set a record for neosporin and bandage use. I know it looks worse than it is, I also know how lucky I am that my head didn't go through the glass or that I didn't lose a limb (a friend of my dad's lost the use of his hands in a similar accident when I was a kid).

Well, I always make fun of my friend Sam for crashing through the screen door at the Eagle Rock House. Sam, I will leave you alone now. Really.

1:53 pm - 09.14.05

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Power OUT

I feel that this is the perfect arena for the following statement: FRIENDSTER SUCKS.

That was rather cathartic.

My weekend was nice and what's more, it once again reminded me why I love my best friends. Saturday night, we roasted Matt for his birthday and gave him a thorough ego check. And seriously, I've never been that drunk EVER. I think I almost went gay like 17 times. I had Melody grinding her rear end into me (for no one was drunker then she) and I was egging Lindsay on as she did the now famous "slut dance."

Maybe I'll stop there. The story only makes me look even worse.

Sunday I woke up in Todd's bed (Todd is out of town) and had no idea where I was. So I went back to sleep. I woke up a couple hours later and my friends soon followed. We made our Sunday hangover breakfast feast together- pancakes, eggs, grits, bacon, fruit salad, biscuits, mimosas... This is my favorite time with my friends. When we sit around the patio and recall the best things about the night before. And we give out awards like the "that guy" award or the "best bartender." Some of us spent the rest of the day alternating between napping and playing video games, snacking on leftovers, smoking, chugging water, etc.

I was sad to leave them Sunday night.

The power outtage yesterday last all of 3 minutes, I'd guess, where I work. I understand it lasted quite a bit longer in other areas- my brother was without for couple hours and running on generators at his office. It reminded me, for a moment, of the massive outtage in New York not so long ago. It made me realize how totally unprepared I'd be in that dire a situation. All my phones are cordless and electric (lesson: keep a cheap rotary phone in a cabinet), I have almost nothing to eat in my apartment and I'm almost out of bottled water. It's not like I have spare gas lying around and I certainly would freak out to not have my cell phone or palm- none of those phone numbers are written out anywhere.

My friend Denver, in NY, lost everything in a building fire just a few days ago. They suspect arson. And he's pretty sure when he is finally allowed to go back, he'll be without anything. He managed to grab his phone, his wallet, and a few items of clothing. But in the middle of the night, when someone shouts FIRE, I imagine you fly out the door.And when he did, a window payne fell over his back and sliced him twice and a shard cut his leg. He's bought some things from the Salvation Army and a good friend took him in while his roommate stays elsewhere.

It's just awful. Denver, I'm thinking about you. I miss you and I love you.

10:34 am - 09.13.05

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TRASH FRIDAY

I have loathed this week.

The idea that I have to survive over 2 more weeks without the solace of my boyfriend really depresses me. I know this sounds sappy but I could go for a really good cuddle right now.

The highlight of my day today was not when my boss threw a stack of envelopes at me to post but when he actually said thank you as he walked away. Hey, it's a start. He never says please or thank-you so I oughta take it where I can get it and relish it.

This was much better than yesterday when my other boss screamed at me in front of a bunch of people for something I didn't even do. To the point where he made me cry and then brought on an actual asthma attack. I haven't had a full blown one of those in, like, a year, so that was neat.... And his version of apologizing was something like "sorry I made you cry, but you fucked up."

I know, it's touching.

I feel like going home, eating a lot of food that's really bad for me (french fries will be in that grouping), chain smoking, and having about 10 gin & tonics.

5:35 pm - 09.09.05

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Bush Basher and Proud

About the clothing drive: My parents, as it turns out, are going to be in the valley tonight to help my brother with something. So I will not be going out to Agoura tonight, I will be getting a free meal co. of mom and dad. :) So I will designate Saturday morning, between 9 and noon for drop-offs. If you need to make other arrangements or just take your items to Goodwill yourself, please do so.

Thanks.

12:52 pm - 09.08.05

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Luck Suck

I had this pesky cold that as only a minor irritation, but then I woke up with a full blast sinus infection on Tuesday morning. By late Tuesday, I felt like utter ass and on Wednesday morning, I couldn't swallow or breathe through my nose.

Off to the doctor.

So he tells me that only for the second time this year bu the b'zillionth time in my life, I have Bronchitis and a double ear infection. Enter the wonderous magic of cough syrup with codine and Zithromax and I should be better almost immediately.

I am back at work today and I will say I've received lovely feedback in response to my raspy phone sex voice. I am not runny or coughy anymore, but I am so dry, the Sahara would have a run for its money in that competition.

And last night, I went to check my e-mail to find ICM had e-mailed me my application in advance so that it would be all filled out when I got there this morning. Of course, my printer hasn't worked in months. And without his help, Kenchy's computer is a mystery to me (damn you Macintosh). I went to my neighbors and wouldn't you know it? He doesn't have a printer. I called my brother who, THANK GOD, lives so close to me now. Naturally, both his and his roommate's printers were not unpacked yet but he said Corey would be willing to hook his up to help me out. I gave Evan all my info. and he said he'd just get the app. off my e-mail account and print it and bring it over.

Of all the night's for G-Mail's server to crash....

So Kenchy is home by now and he is great about helping me. I got onto G-Mail for about 3 seconds before it crashed again but that was long enough to get the PDF file onto his computer. Of course, his PRINTER was out of ink. And then hotmail would not uplaod the file to be fwd'd to Evan.

Half an hour later, the e-mail was out, Evan had the application, Corey's printer got hooked up, and by 11pm, my brother was at my door with the printed out application. Only then was I able to finally fill it out. And I had to be up at 5:30 this morning to make it to my 7:30 interview there. You've never heard such a raspy voice as mine this morning, at the buttcrack of dawn.

Evan is my hero! I had good luck at the interview. Before I even got out the door, they had me set up to come back for my second interview. Agent trainee program, here I come!

I am SO looking forward to this weekend. And my Zithromax. And cough syrup. AND SLEEP.

10:54 am - 09.08.05

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What a Wonderful Weekend

I have broken the $40 barrier. $43.71 to fill up my tank yesterday. At the "cheap" station for crying out loud.

In other car-related news, I finally got my car washed.

I had a stellar weekend. It was just a very nice weekend.

On Friday night, we few anti-socials (aka: people who got up before 6am to work on Friday) decided to pool our collective exhaustion and vegetate at The Eagle Rock house. We drank beer and wine, smoked way too many cigarettes, and ordered shitty pizza. There were just 3 of us ladies left in the later hours, and that was actually the best part of it. I never have girl talk like that lately. Not with anyone. It was refreshing. No one was judging me or laughing at my naivety. And for the first time in forEVER I didn't feel like what I was saying was about to be passed through some vapid gossip chain. That was nice.

Saturday, I got to spend the day with Mike. We were both feeling lazy so sitting in the Arclight should have been much more relaxing than it was. Instead, it was a little painful. I didn't love The Constant Gardner as much as I thought I would. Bummer. I do, however, have a new obsession in Amoeba music. I'd never been before. That place is fabulous.

Sunday-- HUGELY lazy day. I was in bed until 2 in the afternoon and I don't think Mike was up much earlier than that. I don't remember- I was so groggy. Sunday night, more food, fun, and frolic at The Eagle Rock House (I guess it really is like a club... hence, the sign on Matt's door).

Monday was my favorite day. Monday I got to be with 4 of my girlfriends and we got manicures and pedicures. We shopped and ate a late, leisurley lunch. It's so hard when all my close friends are guys to blend in on days like these but I had the BEST time. I had a new respect for my female friends at the end of the day. Sarah, Nena, Lindsay, Caroline- thanks. Good day.

It's a funny thing with 3-day weekends. The four day week that follows is hard to adapt to. It zips by (which I love) but every day feels kind of like the one before. Quite obviously, it's Tuesday but everyone around here is sulking like it's Monday. Making me crazy.

2:56 pm - 09.06.05

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HELP WANTED

Last night I saw a commercial that said "What's the one thing you never have enough of in the morning?"

And I thought to myself, "SLEEP."

I was wrong. The answer was time. Channel 4 news is going to save me time. Isn't that swell of them?

And speaking of news, I am sure you all have been watching it like I have. I have scarcely torn myself away from the television. I was mostly sad at first but now I find myself mostly angry. It's a pattern familiar to me- like what I went through after 9/11.

I lost it for the first time this morning while Harry Connick Jr. was giving an update to Katie Couric from Baton Rouge. He's a native of New Orleans and he's been staying down there since Katrina left to do what he can. Listening to him talk about it with his severely hoarse voice (which he'll have to make do with tonight at a telethon he's organizing) and rubbing his eyes-- I started to cry. I admit it.

It's unfathamable. I understand it's complicated but we're this almighty super power nation and we can't feed starving, dying people? We can't medicate the sick? We can't bring some dehydrated people water? Is it so hard to send some trucks into town with bottled water? I guarantee Arrowhead or Crystal Geyser will donate. Don't tell me they can't get there- I've seen the news- the roads are more functional now. You can get, at the very least, to and from the convention center and the airports, there they are holding triage camps.

And Bush comes on TV for a minute with 2 former Presidents at his side (daddy comes to the resuce again) pledging "what does not kill us makes us stronger." A pity he had to cut his 7 week vacation back to a mere 5 weeks. He must be so perturbed. (Anyone else over the flippin' moon about tis 3 day weekend?)

I went through my bedroom and pulled every useless item of clothing I could find. I have an overflowing bag now. I don't know how much money I can actually spare so this is my way of making up for that. If anyone else wants to do the same, get your clothes to me and I will be happy to take it all to wherever it needs to go to get to those who need it. A tip: I remember during 9/11, socks were really needed. The water eventually soaks through shoes of any kind and foot fungus is pretty serious and widespread in disaster zones.

I don't know what else to say.

9:48 am - 09.02.05

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Poker? I don't even know her!

Not I, said the fly.

Christ, I played poker like an amateur last night. Thoroughly disappointing. Not the $20 buy-in I've gotten screwed on before (only $10 this time) but who ever wants to give away their money?

It was a pleasant surprise to "bump" into Rory on my way home. Some of snacked at Mel's after the game and I was heading home around 1am. I saw Rory out for a stroll and swung around to say hello. How often do I get to see him when he's lost in BB6 Land?

And quote of the week goes to him:
Me: "Be careful. Have a safe walk."
Rory: "Please. It's Studio City. Unless Robert Blake is out wandering around with a knife, I'll be fine!"

5:05 pm - 08.31.05

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All Blogged up With Nowhere to go

My shoes look really cute on but damn do they ever hurt after about 15 minutes of wear.

It never ocurrs to anyone that their lawyer just doesn't feel like talking to them. "Hi, this is X and I called this morning but X hasn't called me back yet. What's that about?" He thinks you're an annoying fuck because you make calls like this, you douchebag.

It makes me crazy that my bosses never consider that we women have to pee just as much as they do. "Where the hell is Kelly?" my boss shouts up and down the halls. Our office is not that big. You can basically scan it end to end while standing in one place. And if it's not lunchtime, it's a safe bet she'll turn up in 5 minutes.

The VMA's sucked. Does R. Kelly really think he's impressive with that cheeseball act he had going up there? I've never seen anything so lame, so self-indulgent, so... craptacular. And if Diddy reminded me one more time that "anything could happen," I made a solemn vow to myself that I would make something very, very bad happen to him in the near future.

Diet Pepsi is the nextar of the gods.

Adam Corolla should be put on lockdown and strictly limited on how much speaking time he is alloted during loveline. No one wants to listen as he recalls the details of his bout with flatulence that evening. Or how he's never actually seen a squirrel have sex.

There's a secretary in my office who's been shuffling her feet and whimpering for 2 days because she said she threw her back out eating. Personally, I think she's faking it.

Is it wrong that I want to have ice cream for dinner?

2:41 pm - 08.30.05

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Wacko Jacko

A Relaxed Jackson Visits Dubai
Aug 30, 12:58 PM (ET)

By JIM KRANE

DUBAI, United Arab Emirates (AP) - In contrast to the frail Michael Jackson cleared of child abuse charges in June, the king of pop appeared relaxed and friendly Tuesday during an ongoing visit to this Gulf sheikdom.

He ate Buffalo wings. He took a speedboat to a luxury villa on a manmade island. He buzzed around the Emirate with a race car driver and a prince.

The 47-year-old performer was even spotted looking over some of the world's most audacious real estate developments in flashy Dubai.

"He wants to see more of this area. He likes it here," said Mohammed Bin Sulayem, the Emirates champion rally driver who escorted Jackson on sightseeing tours, alongside their mutual friend, Sheik Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa, son of Bahrain's king.

Jackson owns or is buying property in Bahrain, 300 miles up the coast from Dubai, where he took refuge after his 19-month trial and sensational June 13 acquittal of child molestation charges.

But unlike his reclusive stay in Bahrain, Jackson's visit to Dubai has included several appearances in public - albeit surprise ones.

The singer visited a pair of Dubai's $14 billion manmade island developments, touring the Palm Jumeirah, one of three palm tree-shaped archipelago under construction.

In personal snapshots Bin Sulayem provided, Jackson could be seen in his trademark black Fedora and sunglasses and a royal blue shirt, strolling alongside his Arab hosts, men in traditional white dishdasha robes and headdresses.

The singer also paid a visit to the Hard Rock Cafe, where he assuaged his craving for spicy chicken.

"We went there because he wanted to eat Buffalo wings," Bin Sulayem said. "We were sitting there with him and it was absolutely normal, we weren't under any pressure."

The singer was recently fined $10,000 for failing to appear in court to face a separate civil case in Louisiana on a claim of sexual assault.

11:34 am - 08.30.05

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What I Know Now I Didn't Know Then

I positively love Richard Cheese.

David Spade is not as short as I thought he'd be.

My boyfriend drinks screwdrivers.

I cannot do an Irish accent.

O'Shamowitz is the best Jewish-Irish last name ever.

I can pass for a Murphy.

4:19 pm - 08.26.05

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Pro // Con

"Our mission is to persuade President Bush to meet with Cindy Sheehan and answer her questions about why the war that took her son's life was started and why it is being continued." -from meetwithcindy.com.

Last Wednesday, over 100,000 people across the country attended over 1600 vigils in support of Cindy Sheehan and her cause. I admit I am fascinated by this entire movement. I am. I can see both sides of, as opposed to the war as I am, as supportive of the troops as I am (and yes, you can be both) and I don't know if people are handling it the right way or asking the right questions.

The President cannot meet with Sheehan. If he did, he'd be expected to meet with every family of every dead soldier from the war should they desire it. And, if you can believe it, he has more important things to do. And actually, he did meet with Sheehan, and other families of deceased vets, just all at once and he didn't exactly offer them a Q&A session.

The thing is, it's not like we have a draft anymore. Cindy Sheehan's son signed up for the army, didn't he? Not only that, he signed up and then REenlisted when his service was over. And he volunteered for the risky misssion that got him killed. And true, Cindy has been a registered Democrat for some time but has never been active in politics until her son's passing.

Here is the thing. Sheehan has admitted if her son had died in Afghanistan, not in Iraq, she may not have reacted so dramatically. She has no idea what we're doing in Iraq, for so long, for such an unclear reason. She wants it explained to her. Her son enlisted (an reenlisted) to defend America, to serve his country, and she doesn't feel he was doing this in Iraq. And, I feel, she is right to have this opinion. Were there WMD's? Will we ever know that?

It's not going to be possible for me to ever understand this mother's grief. I'm just trying to see every side of an issue. I'd do this for any important issue, I imagine. And it just happens this one particularly fascinates me. Last Wednesday, one of those 1600 vigils was about 2 blocks from my apartment, and I saw Richard Dreyfuss shouting into a microphone, leading the pack (that part of it actually amused me more than impressed me, but c'est la vie).

And in other news totally unrelated, I am seeing Richard Cheese in concert tonight. I'm terribly excited.

2:06 pm - 08.25.05

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ACK

My room is cleaner.

Pleae note the use of the word cleaner. Not clean.

I am worried about my body. It aches. Everything from my temples down to my toes. It hurts to walk, it hurts to write, it hurts to chew. The parts I can pin down? My ankles definitely throb. My knees, my knuckles, my shoulders, my jaw, and honestly, my skin.

I know I've gained weight. If I didn't know before, if I forget, my mother constantly reminds me. I suppose that could be the reason my body aches but as much as I've gained and lost throughout my life, my body has never hurt this way before. This is new. This is practically agonizing.

I realize my blog has been nothing but complaining as of late and I apologize. I plan to bring that to an end soon.

BYE BYE BITCHES.

10:21 am - 08.24.05

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Strarve or Feed?

Is it feed a fever, starve a cold? Or... feed a cold, starve a fever? Starve a fever... feed a cold... That sounds right.

Oh, how it hurts to swallow.

I was surmising my surroundings this morning and found myself thoroughly disgusted. I really need to do laundry and the piles of clothes around my room are pretty out of hand. I have crap strewn across my dresser and my bed is a mess- the sheet is untucked and I haven't bothered to refit it. I have drycleaning still in bags from weeks ago, and I just this morning took out trash that's been overfilled for days.

It's not really something I should be "bragging" about. I don't think I want my friends and readers to know about these new habits I've adopted, but maybe if I fess up, I'll put some pressure on myself to get my act together.

I am craving Indian food. Totally digging the new layout.

11:06 am - 08.23.05

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Thief

Stolen from Rory's Blog.... cause I am not that original...

SONGS THAT MAKE ME....

Happy
(1) "Dead Man's Party," Oingo Boingo
(2) "Take on me," Ah-Ha
(3) "Come by me," Harry Connick Jr.
(4) "TKO," LeTigre
(5) "The Othe Side of Summer," Elvis Costello
(6) "All These Things that I Have Done," The Killers
(7) "Won't Get Fooled Again," The Who

Want to cry
(1) "Me and a Gun," Tori Amos
(2) "Not a day Goes by," Sondheim (Merrily we Roll Along)
(3) "A Better Son / Daughter," Rilo Kiley
(4) "One Moment More," Mindy Smith
(5) "The Blower's Daughter," Damien Rice

Dreamy/Relaxed/Sleepy
(1) "Hallelujah," Rugus Wainwright
(2) "Wake me up When September Ends," Green Day
(3) "Ghost," Indigo Girls
(4) "The Man who Sold the World," David Bowie
(5) "Behind Blue Eyes," The Who

Want to dance
(1) "You Shook me (All Night Long)," AC/DC
(2) "Toxic," Britney Spears
(3) "Crazy in Love," Beyonce
(4) "Yeah," Usher
(5) "Bye, Bye, Bye," N*SYNC

Think of someone special
(1) "Smile," Charlie Chaplin (my mom)
(2) "You are my Sunshine" (my grandma)
(3) "Sunrise, Sunset," Fiddler on the Roof (it's my grandpa's favorite song. LOL.)
(4) "Hands Down," Dashboard Confessional
(5) "Only One," Yellowcard

Want to sing along
(1) "Perfect Situation," Weezer
(2) "Norwegian Wood," The Beatles
(3) "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)," Big & Rich
(4) "Never There," Cake
(5) "Under Pressure," David Bowie & Queen
(6) "You and I Both," Jason Mraz

9:42 am - 08.22.05

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Wrecked

I was sitting in my living room last night, watching last Sunday's episode of Six Feet Under (which I only recently discovered again so I am particularly upset it's concluding) when I heard this tremendous CRASH.

I jumped up, paused for maybe a second, and then I just took off. I wasn't even dressed for the public, but all I could think was that I wanted to help.

This young girl in a 4-door Mazda tried to make a light- it turned red when she sped up, I guess. She slammed into someone trying to make a left, spinning him around and then right into a payphone on a corner. Her car must have spun around several times as it did not land that far from his, but her car was completely destroyed. When I got there, people were helping her out of her car while another witness was saying she shouldn't be moved. I suggested getting everyone away from the Mazda, which smelled like gas and was leaking fluid from all ends.

I think I saw about a dozen people on cell phones while someone had already announced 911 had been called. We got the girl from the Mazda seated on a curb and I ran to the store for a bottle of water for her. She was, obviously, quite beside herself, and clutching her arm. We got a working cell phone (hers was cracked in the crash) and had her call her mom. When her mom showed up moments later (turns out the girl was on her way home- and was just a block away from getting there), she FLIPPED. The first thing in her line of sight was her daughter's mangled car and she just started screaming. That was almost scarier than intially arriving at the scene.

It was only seconds before a cameraman showed up on the scene, which I found disgusting. He was some kind of paparazzi lowlife who was filming everyone standing around, including me, because I'm sure we all looked concerned, if not terrified.

I was glad to help out, answer some questions, etc., but eventually, I couldnt take it anymore and I just crept back to my apartment. It was then I realized I'd been running around in socks and I had glass in my feet. It ended up I was fine, but pulling that out was awful.

The girl who ran the red was basically fine. She broke an arm, probably her nose (face first into an airbag does that) and she's surely hurting today. The guy she hit was probably fine- just the whiplash and neck pain that comes from most accidents. He was up and running around at first until; someone convinced him to sit back down in his truck, which was miraculously not too bad. They'll sure have to take down that phonebooth though.

I wouldn't dare to make this situation about me, but I do have to say it was really shocking for me. I was walking around in the crowd like a zombie for part of it, fixated on that Mazda. It's pretty much how my car looked in April- probably worse. It was just very real to me. I had my fair share of nightmares last night.

Anyway, that's the story of my Thursday night.

11:31 am - 08.19.05

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Breathing

When I am this bored, I start shopping. Right now, I'm feeling itchy for a new DVD or a new pair of shoes. I am THRILLED there is a Vegas plan in the works-- I have something new to look forward to. Maybe I'll actually get to go this time?

Last night, I came home to my empty apartment and was thrilled to be greeted by Rocco, my neighbor's puppy. He so badly wanted to play so I entertained him with one hand while I smoked with the other. He followed me inside, and only cause Kenchy wasn't home, I let him cuddle up on the couch with me while I watched some Tivo. Then we roughhoused on the floor until I had to go to bed. I thanked my neighbor for letting me have him over to play and bid them both farewell. I love that dog.

I am trying to come up with some way to make some extra money. It seems a waste- I am here all day, doing practically nothing, with free access to a computer and the internet. It's a shame I can't come up with something. any ideas? You let me know.

10:37 am - 08.18.05

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I think I thought a thought...

Kabbalah was never strange to me. It was mentioned in casual conversation throughout my early education- I attended a private Jewish elementary school and I also had 2 cousins in Yeshiva (very orthodox school for Jewish boys only). But traditionally, as far as I knew, only Orthodox Jews, and certainly not women, studied this supposed "Jewish mysticism."

When Kabblah later became a well-known celebrity trend, I became increasingly curious about it. It wasn't this myth anymore, it was readily available to everyone.

For a price, of course, but I'll get to that later.

It has its strong points. At the Kabbalah Center, they offer a bevy of classes on "The Power of Kabbalah," "Kabbalistic Astrology," and things like "Getting over Fears, Anxieties, etc." They aim to help you find total self-fulfillment and inner-peace. How to rid yourself completely of all your garbage and negativity.

But like I said: for a price.

Essentially, the center (isn't that creepy? "The Center....") promises to vastly improve your life, as long as you can drop a couple hundred bucks here and there for classes. Oh sure, there are scholarships, but they're not exactly advertising them and passing them out like candy.

What I started to realize, is that the center was not selective to a fault. You have the money and desperation? They'd suck you in (I read in a magazine article I actually didn't care for - they likened the center to Hitler taking advantage of the Germans when they wee most vulnerable). And who doesn't want to better themself? Who isn't turned on by the promise of less stress and less mess? And don't you worry about them at the center- they've got their insurance. One girl, in her 17th week of study, still consistently complained that nothin positive was coming of these classes. She was easily convinced that she wasn't working hard enough to earn it. That was all. She keeps on.

To a cynic like me, it seemed easy enough to avoid the assimilation. Sure, money was being spent, time was being wasted, ideals preached, but as far as I was concerned, I was there to learn aboutt he unknown. Which I certainly have. I was operating under the belief I could easily shrug off the crap I couldn't stand to listen to and absorb what I deemed personally relevant.

It did work for a while this way. But the calls come. "When will you be making your next payment?" "Would you like to register for additional classes?" "The Dallas convention will only cost about $3000..." And then you step back and you look at the books piled high on your shelf, the keychain someone talked you into buying for luck, the red string on my wrist- a symbol of protection from the "evil eye"- is a $13.00 reminder of what I am spending on this exploration. In class, the teacher works finances into the lesson almost every week under the guides of karma and tything. Sometimes they even promote a new product they've come out with at the end of class.

My financial situation... well, it SUCKS. I have continually refused, for whatever psychotic reason, to deprive myself of a few luxuries. That's been my choice over and over and thusly, it's my fault I now have this problem. Now I know debt like never before. In fact, up until about 10 months ago, when I could still pay my credit card bills in full and I had not had a car accident, I didn't really know debt at all.

When my teacher brought up money for the umpteenth time on MOnday night, what I'd been scretly debating in my head became unarguable. NO MORE. There was nothing left for me at the Center. Since I am really out of money to give them, and not that I'd want it, but I probably wouldn't qualify for a scholarship, it's easy to walk away. I have no passion left for them.

I'm certainly proud that I did something different. Frankly, some of the lessons have been invaluable. And even if some of them walk around like a little army of Kabbalistic zombies, the people there are all kind and caring.

So I have two classes left that I will attend to quietly big mynew friends farewell. I doubt I will see any of them again as I've noticed the truly devout have little room for those whom have bitterly turned their backs on that way of life. Which is fine, I think.

The irnoy now is in the end, I look down at my left wrist and see this red string simply as a habit that needs breaking. The center teaches you how to break bad habits, you know. I can't just pull the thing off. I'm partially brainwashed that way, I suppose. But I hope when it finally falls off like its predecessors, I'll really be through.

Someone I once thought and now believe again-- Religion as a business or organization? Any organized beliefe system is always going to end up costing you money and political anxiety. It's a useless endeavor to me. I will never be a part of something like that, and that's all.

10:33 am - 08.17.05

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Sleep: Try it. You'll Love it.

I had a GREAT weekend. I saw The Aritocrats (again) on Friday night and laughed my ass off (again). I couldn't sleep that night for anything but it didn't seem to matter-- I slept until 4:00 on Saturday, only getting up twice-- at 10am to get hockey tickets and later for a small snack. Saturday night, I went to a good party- I had a good time, enjoyed watching Mike have an even better time. I slept late on Sunday, despite having a dog cuddled up against my abdomen all night and Mike and I went for "breakfast" at 1-ish.

I didn't accomplish a damned thing this weekend and I didn't at all care. I was glad to have slept so much. I say every Friday all I wanna do on the weekend is sleep and this is the first time I made good on that promise.

10:01 am - 08.16.05

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